3/1/13
There are nights, especially after training at the dojo,
I'll look at all the bright lights on Kokusai street and take in all of the
kanji and hiragana street signs. It helps
me realize that I am actually in Japan.
Sometimes I forget. Maybe I'm
getting used to it by now. I feel like
if I don't really bring my presence into the moment, this will all have been a
dream someday. I'm not ready to wake up
yet.
Tonight I'm tired.
Training was tough, but I discovered that I could do more than I
thought.
There's this weird thing about Kyokushin fighters. The guys in my dojo say, “Don't show if you
are in pain or are frustrated or tired.
Even if you get a nasty leg kick, just keep pushing forward. Don't make a face.”
OK, so this is very unnatural for me. I am a pretty expressive person and it's hard
for me to just hold that kind of stuff in.
But, there was this one moment a few nights ago, when I got nailed in
the shin by someone's knee. Dammit, it
HURT! I was pretty close to just
crouching over and yelping, but I thought, “You know, why don't you give this
'pretend like you're not in pain' thing a try.”
So I did. Instead of verbalizing,
I just let out a nice long scream in my head.
No one else could hear it but me.
It rang through my whole body as I witnessed its harshness and rising
pitch, crescendo and diminuendo.
However, it was only to exist in my little imaginary internal
world. Ah, a nice silent scream. Egh.
OK, back to sparring. Phew.
So I have learned that it is possible to somewhat follow the
words of Sosai Oyama, who once said, “Don't show pain, even with a broken
bone. If you show pain, the enemy will
see it...” However, I have never had a
broken bone (knocking on wood). I'm not
too sure about my ability to hold that kind of pain in and I don't really ever
want to find out.
3/2/3
Saturday morning, 11:11 a.m.
Coincidence? Hmm. I’m nervous as I am every Saturday
morning. I just finished taking my
vitamins and downing a bowl of All-Bran cereal with milk, a banana, and
honey. Getting ready to make some eggs, potatoes, and veggies. Gotta eat some starch before training today
at 3 p.m. Too much food maybe? Well, trial and error. The tournament is in 2 weeks and this week is
going to be hell. It is the most crucial
time for investing. Anyway, that’s how I
am thinking of it. I’m going to suffer
because I want to do well and give it all I’ve got. Looks strange when I write that…
After Training:
So, I was right. I
had to take a little bathroom break after a sparring session because I felt like,
well going to the bathroom. You could
say that I got the crap beat outta me…hehe…kinda funny. But, there was something valuable that
happened in those last thirty seconds. I
decided that I didn’t care if I got hit anymore. I was going to hit with all my intentions
combined and I was going to hit through my target. My brain was still processing the blows I was
receiving, but that information faded into the background. On the main platform was the intention and
energy that I was gathering to deliver my attacks. I became deliberate, almost unconscious of
anything except the target. Now, if I
can only learn to activate that a little sooner. It’s complicated, though. Hits DO matter. At this point I’m thinking it’s a fine
balance of offense and defense. I can,
however, draw the conclusion that sometimes you have to go a little bit psycho
to get the job done.
Thanks for reading…more next week.
Yours,
Kalia
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